Terrible at 20-months

I was thinking last night as I was struggling with Zoe, trying to put her to bed still at 9:30...wow.. I just can't believe how hard this is. It is not hard all the time, and no hard in the way that anyone who has not been through it would understand.. it just builds up over the day. Zoe is now at the point where she knows what she wants, but gets frustrated when she can't do it or get what she wants. It is not something where she is spoiled or badly disciplined, it is just about lack of control... she can't always get the control she wants. I understand that when I think about it. But that still doesn't help when she is laying down kicking and screaming, or pouting because she is not comfortable where she is.. it is still stressful.

For example, this morning we took our two kittens to the vet.. it turns out that they are both boys! and so we may need to rename them (consensus is that "Moonlight" is not a boy name).. well, Zoe was fine until we got into the exam room.. She freaked (fear)... it reminded her of the doctor's office and she would have none of it. We had to go outside. We sat on the bench.. she still cried, shook... there was no reasoning with her, also no blaming her.. but just being around that much upset and not being able to the other things you need (like watch and talk to the vet) was also very frustrating for me.

then there was the dinner thing... she wanted the dip, not just a spoonful of it, but the whole jar. Bruce said when I was pointing to it, picking the jar up, Zoe thought I was going to give it to her, and then I was taking it away. It is hard to see these things, no one can be expected to. She had a complete meltdown. Then I soothed her by giving her a cup of her own of yogurt.. but then I tried to clean up the old dip, so that the mess was controlled, and she started her fit again. Now Bruce is mad at me, I'm upset, Zoe is inconsolable, I haven't even gotten half way through my meal, with no sign of being able to eat.. it sucks.

But she is still the thing that makes me smile... she is very independent, a very strong young lady.. with a hilarious laugh.