preschool... no jacket

Last week I had my first duty parent day. I was very proud of Zoe, she didn't mind my being there... or really, we didn't interact much.. she just went about her day. I cherish her independence (remind me that I do when she is 16!).

At preschool, her and Frances came to head a bit though.. Frances didn't want her on the playground without a jacket. When I was on duty, she sent her in because she wouldn't wear one.

Yesterday I picked her up and she never got outside because they didn't have one.

But here is what her teacher wrote to me:

"Hello Amy,

Zoe has been in my mind this afternoon and I need to run some things past you. I do not want to get into a power struggle with Zoe as it will affect our relationhip in the classroom which I feel is doing well just now. And I'm not one of those people who needs to have total compliance. If something is not working then I have to look at other options. So my thoughts are that I need to back off a bit and give her a bit more space aroound the coat decision. I have been thinking about my other children who will want to go out without coats as it tends to be a snowball effect once one goes out without a jacket. However I can get round that by saying that Zoe's mom says she can go without as long as she is not cold. I'm making an assumption that she is one of those "hot bodied" little people. Presumably Zoe will put on something warm if the temperature is low, she won't let herself shiver - am I correct?? Perhaps you could send two things - a sweater/cardigan and a jacket so it gives her some choice. You have probably tried all that already!! I can try asking her to put something on so she doesn't have bare arms - that sometimes works. And if all else fails I will ask her to take her jacket out with her so she can put it on if she does get cold. In any event, I don't want Zoe to miss outside playtime nor do I want us to have a negative struggle every day, so if it is alright with you I will relax with the coat issue and rely on her own judgement. I won't let her freeze or get soaked though.

Let me know if you have any ideas or insights.

I'm really enjoying Zoe in the classroom, she has a spark to her that shows an active imagination, and I want to keep that spark and strength of character alive.

See you on Thursday

Frances "

and my reply:

"oh Frances! Thank you so much.. I'm glad you got to me first before I

wrote up what I was going to write ;) It was much along the same
lines, but I was afraid that it would come off as telling you what to
do. I wasn't sure how flexible you'd be, but I know now that kids do
come first for you and I really appreciate your taking the long view
of this. Zoe is such a strong headed individual who does not conform
and I wouldn't want her too. I too cherish her independence and
really she isn't unreasonable.

I give her lots of choices of jackets in the morning.. and give them
all special names, commenting on how they match or this is a princess
thing, etc. But she won't bite.


Thinking on it, she is a hot blooded thing and will wear a jacket if
she gets cold, but she is the type that needs to be out, get cooled
down, and then will put one on if she really needs one. I tried to
send her fully dressed (sometimes even that is trickery and means
promises that she can put on her short sleeve mermaid dress as soon as
she gets back).

I was really sad for Zoe yesterday and I really appreciate your being
sensitive to it too. She missed playing with Emily outside and was
kind of heart broken. I'd do almost anything to make sure that
doesn't happen again (I was thinking I'd just have to come to school
for outside time every day).

I am not worried about her having a jacket if she won't wear it and I
appreciate your willingness to work with us on it. She will put one
on if she gets cold, but probably not before.

thank you so much,

Amy"